Life Flight

In my first post, I gave a short account of what we went through when Xyler was born and about the CHD he has.  I could have written a novel in that post if I wrote about everything.  I didn't want to give people too much to read in that first post, but I have decided to write about what we went through in segments.  It's amazing how, even though it has been 4 months, those thoughts and feelings are still so close to the surface, and will come out from time to time from something that will spark my memory of what happened.

Our pediatrician's office is right by the hospital.  When I leave from his office I always drive on the road that goes by the ER and through the parking lot.  It also passes the landing pad for life flight.  After Xyler's checkup on Friday I tookmy usual exit route to go home, of course this brought me past the landing pad and all of the emotions came back to me. 

I would always drive by there before and look at that pad and think how hard it must be for people when they have to be life flighted, or have a child or loved one that needed to be.  I never could have imagined that I would one day have a child be life flighted, especially my newborn baby.

As we sat in the NICU at Logan Regional Hospital, waiting for the life flight team to get there, I kept thinking about how on earth I was going to handle having my baby be taken away from me and fly in a helicopter.  I wouldn't be able to see him for a couple of hours once they took off and I wouldn't know if they made it there ok until we got there.  I just sat in a chair holding Xyler and just cried.  It just felt like too much for me to handle!  I had just had a baby, which makes you emotional already, then to have something wrong with my baby made it so hard to process everything.  To find out something was wrong with his heart and not fully understand what, was so scary!  At this point we had no idea if he was going to live or not, so to not be able to be with him was unbearable!

My eyes were red and sore from crying so much, in just a short time.  The kleenexes they have at hospitals are not soft, by any means.  They had rubbed my eyes raw from wiping the tears away, but I didn't care, I just kept crying.  I was trying to hold them back a bit so that I wouldn't just be hysterically(I hope that's a word) crying.  I thought I did ok and yet I still apologized just for crying.  I now look back and think "Why apologize?"  Crying showed just how much I cared for my baby and how scared I was, which is ok.  He may have only been born a few hours before but my heart was already filled with so much love for him.  The nurses in the NICU were so kind to us and they made sure I had a box of kleenexes right by me.  I want to say thank you to them for being so great!  They even took pictures and made us two scrapbook pages.

When the life flight team came, I was sad to have to hand Xyler over to them.  I didn't know when I would be able to hold him again.  They took him from my arms and laid him down so that they could get him ready to be transported down to Primary Children's.  They had to start giving him a medicine through his IV before they could take him, and for the life of me I cannot remember the name of this medicine.  This medicine is for keeping a valve on your heart open that closes after you are born.  This was how he was getting blood to his lungs so it was very important that it stayed open. 

Once they had everything ready they picked Xyler up and put him in the bed/case(don't know the right word for it).  When they did, his IV that was in his hand came out.  He had to have two working IV's before they could transport him so they had to put an IV in.  It was horrible!  They poked him so many times, and tried in several different places to put in a new IV and it just wasn't working!  I couldn't imagine trying to put an IV in on such little veins so I know it was difficult, but it was so hard to watch.  It took them about 20 min. before they finally succeeded in getting and IV in.  I'm just glad the one in his head was fine.  I need to thank the life flight team also, for taking such good care of my baby.  They were great at explaining to us what they were doing.  They also made sure we got to kiss Xyler goodbye.

Off they went with our baby, to wheel him out to the helicopter.  Scott pushed me in a wheelchair as a nurse walked us out with them.  This was around 4:00 AM.  On our way out I saw my OBG doctor.  He gave me a hug and told us how sorry he was.  I must say, I think he is just one of the greatest doctors out there!  He truly cares for his patients and their families.  After we talked to him we hurried and caught up with Xyler and went outside.  It was cold and lightly sprinkling but I didn't care.  Everyone kept piling blankets on me on our way out and I kept telling them I was fine.  I couldn't feel the cold.  All I could feel was my heart aching for my baby as I watched him fly off into the sky, not knowing what his future held.

Now when I drive by that landing pad at the hospital I have different thoughts.  Now I do know what it is like to have a child need to be life flighted.  I do know just how scary it is, but I also know how it is a blessing that we have it, and you will handle anything to help your child.  It is also a blessing that we have such wonderful trained professionals who make up the life flight team.  I do cry when I see it since all of those emotions come rushing back to me from that early morning.  I wonder how long it will be before I can go past there without having those emotions come back to me as strong as they are.  I know they will never fully go away, but with time they will fade a bit. 

This is a pic of Xyler when I was able to hold him before the life flight team came.  He was so calm through all of it.  He was only a few hours old but we could already see that he was a strong boy.